Since early childhood, I can remember living in a constant state of anxiety. Most people would describe me as quiet, shy, and withdrawn. I had a difficult time initiating friendships, and many people would come and go from my life so it was challenging to develop secure attachments. My mom told me I was too nervous to ask my kindergarten teacher to use the restroom, so I would hold my urine in all day until I got home. I cried on my first day of middle school because I was terrified of the other students and a new environment was very overwhelming for me.

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      I started to come out of my shell more in high school. I developed about 4 or 5 close friends. I felt very confident about myself my senior year. But then I started college. I didn't know what I wanted to major in, so I started as an "undecided major". I struggled a lot with social anxiety and I didn't feel like I fit in with any of the social groups on campus. I avoided many of the social events and focused predominantly on my studies. This imbalance of lifestyle created a lot of stress and anxiety for me and I wanted to do well in all my classes.

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      After my first semester, I decided to major in education, with a dual major in special education. During my last year of college, I had a traumatic experience during my teaching internship. I had to complete 2 different internships, one in general education and the other in special education. For my general education internship, I was sent to my childhood elementary school. It brought back a lot of sad memories, because when my family was living in that neighborhood, my oldest sister, Anna, was killed in a head-on car collision in 2000. Every morning going into that school brought on anxiety and depression. It felt like I was going backward in time and not progressing. I also didn't like working with my lead teacher. She was a bit narcissistic and didn't provide a lot of modeling for my education. She wasn't a very supportive mentor and I didn't feel like I could trust her to ask a lot of questions for fear she would judge me and think I was unintelligent.

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      Things got so bad that I went to the health center on campus to speak with a therapist. I was given an antidepressant to take for my anxiety and depression. However, I had a bad reaction to the medication and had the first panic attack of my life. My mother was very supportive of me at the time. She went with me to talk to the dean of students of the college of education. He asked me what I wanted to do. I assumed I had to reply on the spot, so I said I would complete my credits, but I would need to take a short break from school.

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      All said and done, I fully completed my bachelor's program and received my degree. But most of my life, I have felt like I am living in survival mode, always rushing to complete the next accomplishment. I never really questioned my life up until that point and what motivates me to do what I do.

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      In the end, I want to live a balanced life, for the sake of my sanity. Balance looks different to each of us. Our daily schedules are determined by our priorities. My top priorities are my family (my children), my business (my clients), and my creative endeavors (art/books/podcast). My mission is to support other women  and their mental health. One very important thing I do is teach them how to balance their hormones naturally. And in order to do that, we must be brave enough to live counter-culture (less masculine-energy, less stressed). One of my favorite quotes is, "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." Lao Tzu

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